Keep Your Lip Halakhically Zipped

GuardYourSpeak

(In June 2012 we launched GuardYourSpeak which, as its name implies, was dedicated to focusing on all aspects of Shmiras HaLoshon.  In short order it became burdensome to maintain both sites, so in recognition of the fact that the material posted on GuardYourSpeak was a natural fit for EmunahSpeak, it was decided to discontinue GuardYourSpeak and repost all of those pieces on EmunahSpeak over the course of the next few months.)

Most of us are well aware that the bottom line of Loshon Hora is that the Torah forbids us even to speak the truth about someone if it is denigrating or will cause him damage.

But what if you kept your lip halakhically zipped? Then we are told that the Satan will not have reshus to speak the truth about you. 

Say what?

Rabbi Mendel Kessin does yeoman’s service by laying out for us the mechanics of how Loshon Hora impacts procedurally on the Beis Din shel Maala.

Din (judgment), he says, is a cause and effect concept.  A person does A and gets B in return.  And except for special occasions, Hashem stays out of the picture and lets the Beis Din shel Maala judge us.

The fact is that a Jew can commit multiple sins in the course of a week or even a day, and the Beis Din doesn’t even so much as throw a glance in his direction.

Why not?

It’s not as hefker as it appears because the truth is that this would be considered normal procedure in any criminal court in the United States. After all, what court is going to concern itself with the various crimes that abound within its jurisdiction unless and until they are brought to its attention by the prosecuting attorney representing the governmental authority?

The Beis Din shel Maala works pretty much the same way, and that’s why it doesn’t give your sins the time of day UNLESS the Satan, in his role as the prosecuting attorney, brings an accusation against you, because without an accusation there can be no court case.  And Loshon Hora is the only thing that can point the Satan’s accusative finger in your direction.

Moreover, Rabbi Kessin explains that the entire nature of the prosecution is built solely on Loshon Hora because the Satan is doing nothing less than speaking Loshon Hora about you.  Hashem, in classic mida keneged mida mode, gave the Satan the power to condemn you based on your condemnation of other Jews.

Interestingly, there are also privacy laws in Shomayim but when you speak Loshon Hora they're suspended, and the Satan is given access to what heretofore was legally out of his reach, and as a consequence your file of sins is directly laid before him, and he can now immediately prosecute you.  It’s as if you wrote your own indictment with your tongue for the Satan to sign.  It therefore follows that if you don’t speak Loshon Hora then the Satan can’t speak Loshon Hora about you.

Rabbi Kessin tells us that even if you discipline your tongue you’ll still be judged, however, for whatever it was that you either shouldn’t have done or neglected to do, but the Beis Din shel Maala won’t be able to touch you because if your tongue is squeaky clean Hashem Himself will judge you.  He will give you time to do Teshuva, and even if you mess that up He will spread out, over a long period of time, whatever punishment is coming your way.

And when you’re one with Hashem there are no rules because He’s all Rachamim and can do whatever He wants.

So it all comes down to this.  In relation to the Beis Din shel Maala, you are nothing more than a ventriloquist because the Satan can’t open his mouth unless you first open yours, and give him what to say.  And if you don’t, you stroll out of court past a mute Satan who sits there like a dummy.

And once you’re out of there it’s only between you and Hashem.

Someone Who Wants To Be Purified

GuardYourSpeak

(In June 2012 we launched GuardYourSpeak which, as its name implies, was dedicated to focusing on all aspects of Shmiras HaLoshon.  In short order it became burdensome to maintain both sites, so in recognition of the fact that the material posted on GuardYourSpeak was a natural fit for EmunahSpeak, it was decided to discontinue GuardYourSpeak and repost all of those pieces on EmunahSpeak over the course of the next few months.)

The Gemara (Arachin) teaches us that everyone who speaks Loshon Hora amplifies their sins and enlarges them until they reach Shomayim.  Moreover, as we learn in the Tanna De’Vei Eliyahu, the (actual) Loshon Hora spoken by a person ascends to the Heavens, to Hashem’s Holy Throne of Glory.

In his Preface to Sefer Chofetz Chaim, Rabbi Yisrael Meir Kagan, who is universally known as the Chofetz Chaim after his sefer, opens our eyes in regard to the atmospheric fallout engendered by the speaking of Loshon Hora.

For starters, he tells us that the reason that the Torah was so strict with the sin of Loshon Hora is because the very speaking of Loshon Hora causes the Satan, who is the Prosecutor against Klal Yisroel, to gain strength and grow in power against us all.  He then brings the Zohar HaKodesh to let us know that there is a force in the world that is nourished by those who speak Loshon Hora.  Its name is Sachsuchah and with the impure power that is his by virtue of all of the Loshon Hora that is spoken, he ascends to the Heavens and spreads death, war, and catastrophe throughout the world.

And that’s only his warm up act.

The Chofetz Chaim goes on to tell us that Loshon Hora triggers the attribute of mida keneged mida (measure for measure) which is one of the modes by which Hashem brings justice to the world.  He once again cites the Zohar HaKodesh to point out that from this impure power/evil spirit that we referenced above evolves other forces of strict unmerciful justice.

You sent a pekel of some serious Loshon Hora in Hashem’s direction?! 

That’s really unfortunate because the bad news is that in the same way that man defiles his speech with language that is forbidden, he also prevents all of his subsequent words of holiness (all of his Torah learning and mitzvahs) from ascending to Heaven.  The conclusion of the Zohar is that all of the good things you have done are suspended in mid-air.

They do not ascend, period.

The Chofetz Chaim then impresses upon us the seriousness of this state of affairs by asking:

How will we merit the coming of Moshiach?

The good news, however is that the Chofetz Chaim has an answer.

At the end of the Preface, after an exhaustive explanation of both the destructiveness of Loshon Hora and the merits of learning his sefer in order to uproot this great sin from our midst, the Chofetz Chaim states that if people study these laws carefully, the Yetzer Hora will not have such great power to control society into committing this sin.  Automatically, if one backs away from this sin, even a little bit, then as time goes by he will wash his hands completely of it because this sin is so caught up in the routine of our everyday lives.  The implication being that if we get a running start vis á vis the sin of Loshon Hora, in due time we’ll be able to flip the switch on the cruise control.

The Chofetz Chaim then hits the high note as he concludes the Preface by letting us hear that someone who wants to be purified of this sin will have Siyata D’Shemaya (Divine Assistance), and in the merit of both learning these laws and not speaking Loshon Hora, Moshiach will come soon, speedily in our days.

She Taught Us

The fact is that Golda Litwen of blessed memory taught very many people a lot of things by either example or persuasion or a combination thereof.

We are speaking here, however, about a particular case in which the power of her personality carried the day in the most unlikely of circumstances, which resulted in a very great Kiddush Hashem.

The day after her recent passing, the administrator of the adult home in which she resided received a phone call from one of the people who used to transport Golda to and from the hospital where she underwent dialysis three times a week. 

Shlepping sick people back and forth to their various treatments day after day can desensitize one to the fact that they are dealing with human beings as opposed to goods that need to be moved from one place to another.  And in such a situation a person can say and do things that he would otherwise forgo if a real person was before him.

And so it was with Golda.

There were many times when the two people that transported her to dialysis would argue on the way.  These were proste mentchen that didn’t have much of an understanding of how to speak to one another or how to accord each other even a modicum of respect.

This is pretty much the story that was told to the administrator of the home.  And then the person on the phone added:

We would like to send flowers and come to pay our respects to her daughters because she taught us how to speak to each other and how to give.

Anyone who knew Golda well wouldn’t be surprised by any of this because when faced with such situations she would always take them firmly in hand by admonishing anyone who had crossed, what was in her eyes to be viewed as, the line of basic decent behavior.

 

She also taught them to have a sense of appreciation, one for the other and she taught it by example.  It seems that in the course of regaining his sensitivity to those around him one of these workers began to empathize with Golda’s condition and he remarked that it was a pity that she had to undergo dialysis three times a week.

“It’s not a pity at all,” she said.  “Dialysis is keeping me alive.”

And they understood that Golda was keeping them alive in a certain sense, so when she died they took matters into their own hands and resolved to keep on living.  In the memory of all she taught them they took upon themselves to always work on getting along.

If You Wouldn’t Say it….

GuardYourSpeak

(In June 2012 we launched GuardYourSpeak which, as its name implies, was dedicated to focusing on all aspects of Shmiras HaLoshon.  In short order it became burdensome to maintain both sites, so in recognition of the fact that the material posted on GuardYourSpeak was a natural fit for EmunahSpeak, it was decided to discontinue GuardYourSpeak and repost all of those pieces on EmunahSpeak over the course of the next few months.)

Rabbi Yossi is quoted as effectively saying that he wouldn’t say anything about someone that he wouldn’t say directly to that person himself.

The fact is that he never actually said it this way.  What he actually said, as quoted in the Gemara, was that Never once in my life did I have to retract anything that I said to anyone, but nevertheless, by wrenching his words totally out of their context a popular misconception has arisen that assumes that it’s permissible to speak loshon hora if one is speaking directly to the victim of said loshon hora.

In the commentary of the Be’er Mayim Chaim to the first Halacha in Klal Gimmel, the Chofetz Chaim devotes close to a dozen pages to vaporize this misconception.

For those lacking the staying power to attend to the Chofetz Chaim’s detailed and cogent analysis, the dozen pages of the Be’er Mayim Chayim can be summed up in one word:

Fuggedaboutit!

Like most things in life, there’s also a flip side to Rabbi Yossi’s words, be they actually said, be they supposedly said or otherwise, that the Chofetz Chaim didn’t deal with, and if made into a rule of thumb it would spike the vast majority of one’s loshon hora from the get go.

Success in holding the line on loshon hora is a matter of attitude and focus, and if the attitude is that the laws of loshon hora are an obstacle to one’s desired discourse then the focus will be on trying to dance around them. Those who cite, or rather miss cite, Rabbi Yossi do so because they are seeking wiggle room to say what needn’t be said and more often than not shouldn’t be said altogether.  Those, however, who hearken to the converse of what Rabbi Yossi was purported to have said focus on Hashem’s desires, as opposed to their own, so as to not say anything other than what should be said.

So how can we slice and dice Rabbi Yossi’s words so as to morph them into verbal body armor?

It’s a simple fact of life that most of the baali loshon hora amongst us are not so brazen as to exercise their tongues in the presence of those who they are attempting to run down with their speech, and all the more so for the casual speakers of loshon hora.  If one thinks his next door neighbor is a jerk it’s not likely that he will so express himself when the neighbor is in hearing range.  It’s basic human nature.

Therefore, if you wouldn’t say it in front of yenem don’t say it behind his back.  

And if you would?

For everyone but the fewest of the arrogant few, who in any case are reading neither this, nor Sefer Chofetz Chaim, there is no such thing as and if you would because you wouldn’t.

The difference between this statement and that of Rabbi Yossi is small and somewhat subtle, but bottom line it’s all the difference in the world.

If one internalizes these fifteen words, then ninety per cent of the loshon hora scenarios that one would normally encounter in his war with the Yetzer Hora will be removed from the battlefield.

It’s simplicity itself.

There are no conditions and rules to remember and no inferences to be drawn.  At the end of the day there’s nothing but these fifteen words standing between you and ninety percent of all of the loshon hora that you would otherwise speak over the course of the rest of your life.

It’s as simple and as difficult as that.

Doing Our Part For An Aliyas Neshama

You should be a Meilitz Yoshor is usually the parting request made by each speaker to the recently deceased at his funeral.

He’s gone only a few hours and we asking him for favors already.

And what are we asking for exactly?

Reduced to its lowest common denominator, we are essentially putting in a bid for proteksia.

The niftar (recently deceased) will soon be going to a better place and we are asking him to put in a (good) word for us by way of his tefillos when he gets there.  The higher one’s place in Olam Haba the more influence one is presumed to have.  And the more (presumed) influence the better placed one is to shake things up.

So what are we doing on our end for an aliyas neshama that will move our loved ones out of their Heavenly cubicle, so to speak, to a corner office with a view from where they might be able to exert a little more influence?

Sad to say, not all that much.

The few dollars that we give or the learning that we do in the name of the niftar is to be sure, a little something in the right direction.  A nice touch this, but nice touches are not the stuff of serious elevation.

As with almost everything else, here too Hashem operates in midda keneged midda mode (measure for measure). 

Want to expand someone’s horizons in Gan Eden?  Then you have to expand yours in this world in inyanai ruchniyes.  Simply put, when you seriously grow you’re a different you, and you therefore now occupy a different place in this world.

And if you are a different you who is occupying a different place in this world then you have made the most compelling argument possible to have the one you are asking to act as a Meilitz Yosher be put in a position in which he is better situated to make it happen.

Annihilating the Universe

GuardYourSpeak

Because of the great love Hashem Yisborach has for his Jewish People and because He desires only good for us to the point where He calls us His children, that we are His possession and other names of endearment that demonstrate the great love He has for us….He therefore separated us from all of the bad qualities that exist in the world and in particular Loshon Hora and Rechilus (gossip).

So begins the introduction to Sefer Chofetz Chaim.

It seems, however, that as careful as the Chofetz Chaim was with his words he somehow managed to lose two of them in the introduction.  Would it not have been more correct to write that He therefore ATTEMTED TO separate us from all of the bad qualities….?

After all, had we been actually separated from Loshon Hora and Rechilus I wouldn’t be writing these words in New York, a.k.a. golus because as the Chofetz Chaim teaches us further on in the introduction to his sefer, the essential reason today for our golus is because of the actions of the spies sent to survey the Land of Israel.

And as we know from Chazal, the fundamental sin of these spies was Loshon Hora in that they brought back an evil report about Eretz Yisroel concerning which our ancestors cried needlessly.  And the Chofetz Chaim tells us that because the Ribbono Shel Olam is not a big fan of needless crying it was decreed against us that the crying would continue for generations.

So here we are thousands of years down the road and the Chofetz Chaim reminds us that we are still crying due to the endless calamities that have befallen us because of this bitter sin.  A decree is most certainly a decree but it could have been discharged with an occasional whimper.  That it translates into a steady stream of crying from one generation to the next is only because that which was for the spies a once in a lifetime mistake has become for us a lifestyle. 

And calamities include those that threaten to befall us in the not so distant future.

When a certain demagogue threatens to annihilate us with nuclear weapons it’s imperative that we know that his ability to make good on the threat, chas v’shalom, is not inherent in his thousands of centrifuges or other technological menaces.

Everything that comes our way is by way of a boomerang effect that originates in our mouths, for as we said in GuardYourSpeak: Someone Who Wants To Be Purified, the Zohar HaKodesh lets us know that there is a force in the world that is nourished by those who speak Loshon Hora.  Its name is Sachsuchah and with the impure power that is his by virtue of all of the Loshon Hora that is spoken, he ascends to the Heavens and spreads death, war, and catastrophe throughout the world. 

The Chofetz Chaim tells us, that this ability of Loshon Hora to bring devastation in its wake was set in motion from day one when the Serpent spoke Loshon Hora against HaKodesh Boruch Hu in his conversation with Chava.  And as Chazal have taught, the Serpent corrupted her by introducing into her a spirit of impurity which the Chofetz Chaim says caused adultery and illicit relations to come into the world.  And if that wasn’t enough, for good measure the Serpent also caused murder and death to come knocking on our door.

So fuggedabout about all the threats and the piles of enriched uranium because it’s only a smoke screen. 

It’s the one who speaks Loshon Hora, says the Chofetz Chaim, that seizes a quality that annihilates the universe.

They Belong To Him Alone

In EmunahSpeak: Swordfish, we asked from whence creative people derived their inspiration and we concluded that:

There is no muse, no inner voice, no well spring of creativity from which writers, composers, artists, and the like draw their inspiration.  And you can throw in doctors and such for good measure.  Every word, note, brush stroke, and diagnosis is spoon fed to those so endowed by Hashem. 

Not exactly an ego booster for the kochi v’otzem yadi crowd, but we’re not running a self esteem clinic here, so deal with it.

Then we queried:

Endowed by Hashem to do what exactly?  If every jot and tittle is by way of Hashem then what separates the creative personality from the unwashed masses?

Fair question this and we answered:

In much the same way that a given radio frequency can pull in a broadcast set to that frequency, creative people have been hard wired from the get go of their existence to process the creative flashes that Hashem is sending them.  It’s not that a writer has been given the ability to write.  He has rather been blessed with the genius to take Divine dictation because it’s all from Hashem, typos included.

I wrote it, to be sure, but as it turns out I didn’t fully comprehend the import of what I was saying.  Looking back, it’s apparent now that my grasp of the words was only intellectual whereas emotionally I was still treading water.

Recently, I wrote a piece in which ninety-five per cent of the words belonged to someone else.  I had given proper attribution to the originator of the ideas that I was quoting in addition to repositioning several paragraphs, not to mention adding a few key stage directions that took the piece somewhat past the original thrust of my source material.

Nevertheless, I still felt unfulfilled in that there were too many of yenem’s words and not enough of my own.

In the words my own are subsumed a fundamental misunderstanding of much of what we wrote in EmunahSpeak: Swordfish, the essential paragraphs of which were quoted above.

When we said, it’s not that a writer has been given the ability to write.  He has rather been blessed with the genius to take Divine dictation because it’s all from Hashem, typos included, I failed to realize that Hashem challenges the creative individual with what are seemingly two voices.  Sometimes He feeds me yenem’s words to be manipulated however slightly and other times He feeds me words which I am foolish enough to think are my own.

But in reality they’re neither.

Hashem is sole master of the inspirational vocabulary for as we said above, every word, note, brush stroke, and diagnosis is spoon fed to us by Hashem and they belong to Him and Him alone.

Do You Think it Was An Act of G-d?

Sandy that is.

So asked the representative of the garage door company who came to take measurements for our new door meant to replace the one that Sandy used for target practice.

For an uneducated workman to ask such a question is already somewhat of a madreiga.  But for frum Jews to be anything but slam dunk certain as how to answer it is a sad commentary on their understanding of the very basics of how Hashem runs our world.  And, nebach, there are all too many of us keeping company with the same uncertainty.

It seems that there is some confusion as to the nature of teva (no pun intended).  A number of us have picked up the idea from certain well respected seforim that Hashem deals with Eretz directly and that He jobs out the nuts and bolts of the daily coming and goings in Chutz L’Aretz to the melachim (angels) union (Intergalactic Brotherhood of Melachim) to take care of business.

Rabbi Yitzchak Fabian tells us in the name of Sefer Ali Shur that a person who looks at the world with Emunah looks for the Hashgacha Pratis.  He sees Hashem in nature and in every historical event.  He lives in a spiritual world even though his two feet are firmly planted here in this world.

So what did such a person see in Sandy?

He saw the same Yad Hashem that the Chofetz Chaim z”l saw in the severe natural disasters that devastated vast areas in interior Russia (where hardly any if any Jews lived) in the late 1920s.

As is well known, the Gemara teaches that every disaster that comes upon the world comes only because of Klal Yisroel.  It’s always about us.  It always was and it always will be.

So in response to this devastation the Chofetz Chaim called for public fasting and Teshuva.

In the same light Rav Miller, z”l used to say that if you see a small news item on the bottom of page 89 in the New York Times reporting a cyclone in Bangladesh that killed 200,000 people, the whole purpose for this devastation was that a Jew named Miller in Flatbush should hear about it and do Teshuva.  And if he doesn’t do Teshuva, then it’s a waste of a lot of goyim for nothing.

These days everything is teva.  Up to a point, that is, because even those who hold from the concept that the Intergalactic Brotherhood of Melachim keeps things humming on an average Tuesday in November as well as on all similar occasions,  when teva does something to catch our attention they understand that NUMERO UNO is now running the show hands on.

In EmunahSpeak: A Divinely Pulled Punch, we said: Had Hashem stuck with the original picture of Irene that He revealed to the weather satellites, the storm would have whacked us pretty good.  But at the end of the day rather than devastating most, if not all of the kehillas stretching from Baltimore to Boston, He withdrew His Hand and threw water in our face instead.

To answer that workman’s question, that was an act of G-d.

But all we saw was rain.

So this year was an act of Din (strict justice) instead.

Making Room for Yenem

Rabbi Akiva Eiger was famous for his humility.

It is said that once at the Pesach Seder a poor man sitting at his table accidently knocked over his wine glass which considerably altered the color scheme of the beautiful white lace tablecloth which covered the table.

Rabbi Akiva Eiger was so reflexively sensitive to the poor man’s embarrassment that within a heartbeat he also knocked over his own wine glass, further soaking what had already become a red tablecloth in the vicinity of his seat.

No, he wasn’t hard wired to act this way from birth.  Sensitivity is an Avodah, and he devoted years to the avodah of being sensitive to another’s feelings.

So where are we holding?

We don’t hear the voice of Hashem because we’re too busy hearing the voice of our body.  And that goes for the voice of yenem also because we are too busy trying to hear ourselves, submerged as we are in our own needs/wants.  And because we can’t hear anything but ourselves we are oblivious to what affects others.

Rabbi Shimon Kessin tells us that the purpose of avodah is not to become more religious.  It’s to develop character traits which allow one to elevate himself in his relationship with Hashem.

And the single most important factor which will distance you from Hashem is if you are unable to relate to another person.  You can’t be a Tzaddik or righteous person in respect to Hashem if you’re not that way with stam people. To the degree that you are unable to relate to your peers, to that extent you will be unable to relate to Hashem.  And given the fact that we are too busy being full of ourselves to relate to others, things aren’t looking good for the Jews as far as relating to Hashem is concerned.

Humility is the essence of Yiras Shomayim and the essence of relating to another person so is it any wonder that the same quality that separates you from your fellow man (arrogance) will also separate you from Hashem. You just can’t pick and choose when and when not to be arrogant because it’s impossible to be arrogant to man and not be arrogant to Hashem.

The bottom line of the Mesillas Yesharim is the concept of Avodah which is a step by step process and the first step is to become sensitive to others.  We start by elevating awareness of another person, and we don’t get there by stam thinking about another person for as Rabbi Kessin further points out, if you sit down and say:  “I have to start thinking about another person,” it will never happen.

The trick is to stop thinking about yourself long enough for another person to find his way into your thoughts. 

You Can’t Believe a Word of it

       

GuardYourSpeak

(In June 2012 we launched GuardYourSpeak which, as its name implies, was dedicated to focusing on all aspects of Shmiras HaLoshon.  In short order it became burdensome to maintain both sites, so in recognition of the fact that the material posted on GuardYourSpeak was a natural fit for EmunahSpeak, it was decided to discontinue GuardYourSpeak and repost all of those pieces on EmunahSpeak over the course of the next few months.)

Shemiras HaLoshon is in today.

The words, Shemiras HaLoshon, that is.  What those words are meant to represent can be quite another story.

Did you ever notice that there are several halachas listed in Sefer Chofetz Chaim that tend to be generally ignored, as if by prior agreement, with the majority of Klal Yisroel in on the conspiracy?

Who has not witnessed, at least once in his life, not to mention the more likely scenario of dozens of times, if not more, the trashing of a people of impeccable character, including great rabbis who were universally considered to be great tzaddikim with usually only the speaker’s camp, group, sect, or whatever, opting out of the adulation?

And speaker wise, (re: the baali loshon hora), we’re not talking pygmies here.  Many of them are great men in their own right, and the information that they are giving over they in turn heard from the lips of other great men.

So what gives here anyway?

Most, if not all of it that’s not actually out right slander (motzi shem ra) is spoken under the rubric of toellis (speech that is necessary for a specific purpose).  One avails himself of this heter, as per the guidelines laid out in Sefer Chofetz Chaim, so as to make known something that would be important for the listener to hear, such as negative information concerning a shidduch or perhaps a potential business partnership.

The truth is that one man’s tzaddik can be another’s apikoris, so given the elasticity of the heter of toellis where the line between objective and subjective necessity of one’s words tends to get subconsciously blurred, it would be more productive to shift our focus elsewhere.

We said above that many of them are great men in their own right, and the information that they are giving over they in turn heard from the lips of other great men.  While everyone and his uncle who has a negative comment to make about someone will do their best to morph their words into pristine examples of speech bursting forth with positive purpose, if what they are saying they in turn heard from the lips of others then they have a serious problem.

Where exactly is the heter that would permit one to believe this stuff?

It may be all fine and dandy to either actually sanitize one’s negative comments under the ultra-violet exception of toellis or to fool oneself into thinking that he did, but neither scenario is going to fly in the realm of being mekabel (accepting) someone else’s words because what most of us forgot, or maybe never knew, or better yet don’t want to know, is that there is no mention anyplace in Sefer Chofetz Chaim of any kind of heter to be mekabel loshon hora l’toellis.

What this means in English is that you can’t believe anything you are told about anyone for any reason whatsoever, and if doesn’t concern you in some way you can’t even listen to it. 

Unlike the speaking of loshon hora, there’s no wiggle room here on the mekabel end within which to drey.  So how is it that so many of us seem to be running on what amounts to permanent chutzpah cruise control in the realm of believing loshon hora that more often than not we shouldn't even be listening to in the first place ?

When we said that you can’t believe anything you are told about anyone for any reason whatsoever, we omitted to mention that there two exceptions to this no, nada, nicht, never rule of being mekabel loshon hora, which is that if a person is an established apikoris or a rasha then you are allowed to believe what’s said about him.

And these are the only exceptions, so we ask again in reference to those who are mekabel loshon hora about our great rabbis and other upstanding people:

Where’s the heter?

Could it be that the taiva to speak loshon hora is so great that they have to morph tzaddikim, with which they have disagreements that amount to no more than chaluki deos (differences of opinion), into apikorsim just to be able to speak about them?

How can one posit such a possibility?

Great rabbis or just plain fine upstanding Jews are exactly that.  What you see is what you get.  It isn’t likely that one would find any of them doubling as apikorsim or reshoim on their night job.  And it’s just as unlikely that you’ll ever encounter an exception to the rule that forbids you to be mekabel loshon hora from someone. 

What we are looking at here is simply gross ignorance of the Halacha that is unfortunately not limited to the ignorant.

There are a number of exceptions to many of the rules laid down in Sefer Chofetz Chaim, and many of those exceptions have to run a gauntlet of five or sometimes even seven conditions. 

This isn’t one of them.

The Halacha of not believing loshon hora that’s told to you is about as clear as things get vis á vis the laws of loshon hora.

You can’t believe a word of it.

For The Love of The Mitzvah

I was recently at the levaya of Mrs. Blau A”H, formerly of Boro Park, but now firmly and rightfully ensconced somewhere in the neighborhood of the Kisei HaKovod. 

There was much talk of her sterling middos in addition to a selflessness that recognized no limits that would restrict her multifaceted chesed activities in any way.

When it came to the needs of yenem, be they financial or emotional, NO was missing in action from her vocabulary, as was Yes as far as her own needs were concerned.

And from the midst of all this goodness one particular middah stood out from the others in the words of several of the maspidim (funeral speakers).  We were told that Mrs. Blau A”H had a special love for doing mitzvohs in general and that the mitzvah of Hafrashas Challah (the separation and burning of a certain quantity of dough) occupied a very special place in her heart.

For many years already, Mrs. Blau rose very early on Friday mornings to join several other women in one of the Boro Park bakeries to perform this mitzvah.

A year or so ago, the bakery purchased a much larger facility in the neighborhood. It moved its baking operations into the second floor of the new building and the women continued to perform the mitzvah of Hafrashas Challah as before.

With the exception of Mrs. Blau that is.

She had some serious problems with her legs, which precluded her from climbing the stairs, so she was forced to take a pass on the mitzvah which she loved so much.

At some point, one of her sons found out that she was no longer going to the bakery to perform the mitzvah of Hafrashas Challah and also the reason why.  He told his mother that he knew the owner of the bakery and that he would arrange for her to take the freight elevator to the second floor of the bakery where the other women met to “take off” challah from the dough.

On the very next Friday, a very excited Mrs. Blau showed up at the bakery at 4:00 A.M. to perform her beloved mitzvah, but when she attempted to enter the freight elevator the operator wouldn’t let her on.  It seems that there was a miscommunication of some sort and the freight elevator operator was never informed that Mrs. Blau had permission to hitch a ride to the second floor.

What could she do?  She had given it her best but under the circumstances her best simply wasn’t good enough. 

We said in EmunahSpeak: It’s All About Desire, that we learn from Rabbeinu Yona that for his whole life a person should constantly desire higher goals.  One shouldn’t say, “I’m giving it my best,” because as laudable as it might sound on the surface, in reality it’s nothing more than a declaration of surrender to one’s present circumstances.

But it’s more than simply pushing the envelope on what hopefully is a goal oriented life.  Rabbeinu Yona takes it a step further by telling us that one should desire and yearn to attain UNREACHABLE levels.

There are times, of course, when one is not in a position to actualize his desires.  For physical, financial, or emotional reasons one may find it impossible to traverse the barriers placed before him, courtesy of his inherent limitations.

But Mrs. Blau was cut from different cloth.

Faced with a non-cooperative freight elevator operator interposed between her and the mitzvah of Hafrashas Challah, Mrs. Blau would have received full credit for the mitzvah had she dragged herself home. 

But she didn’t schlep out to a bakery at 4:00 for full credit.  Mrs. Blau was strictly cash and carry.  She came for the love of the mitzvah.

And as we also said in EmunahSpeak: It’s All About Desire, this greatness is not bestowed for giving one’s best but rather for desiring to give even better.

So she crawled up the stairs on her hands and knees one step at a time propelled by nothing….but her desire to break through every barrier that was placed between her and her mitzvah. 

It’s All About Desire

Contrary to popular belief, the main avenue of obtaining schar (reward) in Olam Haba is not by way of our actions in our term limited engagement in this world. 

Rabbi Daniel Glatstein informs us that in Shomayim the focus is on what we desired to do as opposed to what we actually did.  It’s about recognizing that our horizons are not circumscribed by our inherent limitations because we can desire our way past them as we noted in EmunahSpeak: Beyond the Horizon:

When anchored in hashkafic bedrock, our emunah and bitochon pokes a hole through our personal horizon, and beckons our imagination to walk through to the other side to a world in which everything is possible.

And we learn from Rabbeinu Yona that for his whole life a person should constantly desire higher goals.  One shouldn’t say, “I’m giving it my best,” because as laudable as it might sound on the surface, in reality it’s nothing more than a declaration of surrender to one’s present circumstances, as we further pointed out in EmunahSpeak: Beyond the Horizon:

You have a problem and you don’t see a solution, so that’s it as far as you’re concerned.  It’s time to turn out the lights and call it a day because your whole world is subsumed within the parameters of your imagination, and what you can’t see simply doesn’t exist for you.

But it’s more than simply pushing the envelope on what hopefully is a goal oriented life.  Rabbeinu Yona takes it a step further by telling us that one should desire and yearn to attain UNREACHABLE levels.

And how does one reach what Rabbeinu Yona defines as unreachable?

For Rav Shimshon Pincus, zt”l it was no problem, for as we said in EmunahSpeak: Within our Reach, he (Rav Pincus zt”l) informs us that Hashem goes above the rules for a person who has a desire for spiritual greatness and whose emunah is so strong that he believes that Hashem has both the ability and the will to transcend the normal order of things in our day.  Such a person does not question Hashem’s ways just as the Avos did not question Hashem’s ways and he does not feel thwarted by the fact Hashem created him with great limitations.  He also realizes the limited natural capabilities that he was endowed with cannot stop Hashem from bestowing spiritual greatness upon him. 

And this greatness is not bestowed for giving one’s best but rather for desiring to give even better.

Don’t Even Think About It

                                                                               

GuardYourSpeak

(In June 2012 we launched GuardYourSpeak which, as its name implies, was dedicated to focusing on all aspects of Shmiras HaLoshon.  In short order it became burdensome to maintain both sites, so in recognition of the fact that the material posted on GuardYourSpeak was a natural fit for EmunahSpeak, it was decided to discontinue GuardYourSpeak and repost all of those pieces on EmunahSpeak over the course of the next few months.)

You know how it is.

We see someone do or say something that we don’t approve of, and right away he’s guilty of whatever it is we’re charging him with in our minds.  We didn’t (at least this time) make a derogatory comment about it to anyone, nor were we mekabel this negative inference from yenem.

Neither saying nor hearing anything leaves us squeaky clean on our ride

under the radar as far as the laws of loshon hora are concerned.

Our thoughts, however, are a different story because as we explained in EmunahSpeak: Nothing but Thoughts:

You are what you think.  

We were speaking there in relation to character traits and we went on to point out that If his (a person’s) thoughts were saturated with humility it would be physically IMPOSSIBLE for him to conduct himself in an arrogant manner.  And so it is for every other midda, be it positive or negative.

And the same can be said even for certain mitzvos.

In the introduction to Sefer Chofetz Chaim the Chofetz Chaim lists 17 Laveen (negative mitzvos) and 14 Aseen (positive mitzvos) that one might potentially violate by either speaking or believing loshon hora.  While most of these mitzvos are not about loshon hora per se in their essence, the Chofetz Chaim tells us that when ones crosses the line on loshon hora he may also be violating one or more of these Aseen or Laveen.

But most of them are also violated without even uttering a word of loshon hora.

If someone is speaking loshon hora is he not, as was also said there, simply reading his lines; the lines that he has written for himself; the ones etched into his thoughts?  

If you said it, you first thought it.

And if you thought it, then even if you’re a tzaddik who kept his mouth shut in the aftermath of the judge and jury role playing that was outlined above, and you didn’t tell your wife, your co-worker or your best buddy what you saw or heard, you have to know that you’re a tzaddik who might already be in big trouble because you may have trashed the Aseh of judge your fellow Jew charitably. 

And that’s before you even opened your mouth. 

So it all comes down to this:

If you really want to control your tongue you have to first learn to control your mind because if you’re not already thinking about something that shouldn’t be there then it’s impossible that you should be speaking about it.

A Deeper Perspective

Given our penchant for doing our own thing regardless of the consequences, it must be that we don’t take those consequences all that seriously.  If we did we would conduct our affairs in a key more commensurate with the reality of our situation rather than be terminally off key.

This is nothing more than an obtuse way of saying that if we really believed in Hashem we wouldn’t do what we do.

And the reason that we don’t internalize the knowledge of Hashem the way we should is because He’s not real to us.  And for the why of this we need look no further than Bilevavi Mishkan Evneh which teaches us that Hashem’s invisible due to the superficial perspective with which we view the world.  By virtue of this filter, Hashem’s Hand and Providence are seen only during very unnatural miracles.

And given the fact that the big bang miracles were a one time phenomenon in history, our superficial perspective essentially renders us blind to the reality of Hashem in the world.

As a consequence, despite myriad examples and proofs brought by the Sha’ar HaBechina of the Chovos Halavovos showing how Hashem can be seen in every aspect of what we call Nature, our eyes glaze over this seamless perfection which bespeaks of a world of plan and purpose and we see nothing.

It is imperative that we flee from this superficial perspective as if it were the plague, because that’s exactly what it is.  It is a pox that distorts our field of vision replacing what should be a vision of the Divine with a blank screen.

Rather, as Bilevavi Mishkan Evneh tells us, a person must go beyond even what can be seen in Nature and see Hashem within each and every detail of his life.

With this deeper perspective of seeing the Godliness that underlines inanimate objects, plants, animals and humans, one elevates them from the ordinary to being creations connected to Hashem.  

And at the end of the day this defines the entire greatness of any created being:  the degree to which Hashem is seen and revealed it.

But even with Hashem in our face, so to speak, wherever we turn He remains somewhat out of focus because, ever present as He may be, we’re still looking in the wrong direction.

Hashem is called a Hidden G-d.

Where does He hide?  In a person’s heart.

And if one wants to connect to Him as opposed to being merely cognizant of Him within everything that appears on his screen he has to work to uncover Hashem's presence in his heart.

Fundamentally Flawed

On my recent trip to Eretz Yisroel I was asked by a very nice lady, who had sat on the other side of the empty seat that separated us during our flight, if I could help with her luggage and I readily agreed figuring that I would be stuck there for an hour or more, as was always the case, waiting for my own luggage to arrive.

As it turns out, I was surprised (shocked would be more accurate) to find that my suitcase was one of the first to come off the conveyor and onto the baggage carousel.

I was in a hurry to get to Yerushalayim and it occurred to me that maybe her luggage wouldn’t put in an appearance any time soon.  I didn’t wish to be bogged by this lady’s luggage so I quickly scanned the crowd for a replacement and readily noted that there was any number of people who would gladly help her without even being asked to do so.  So with clear conscience I quickly gathered my things.

I then asked her to watch my stuff while I went to freshen up a bit.  As I walked to the facilities I went through a whole back and forth in my head as to whether or not I should help her in any case even though there were many others who could perform this chesed just as easily. 

By the time I had washed my hands I had thoroughly weighed the pros and cons of hanging around to help this lady and I had come to the conclusion that it would be the right thing to do despite the aforesaid plethora of qualified replacements.

Mazel tov!

I had decided to do a chesed.

As I was basking in the light of my momentary righteousness I suddenly remembered that I had been forced to check a hat box at JFK that now had to be picked up at the oversized luggage counter here in Ben Gurion.  Had I left the airport as I had originally planned I would have left without it.  It wasn’t until I had decided to remain to assist the lady with her things that Hashem reminded me about my hat.

Within seconds I had connected the dots but then I remembered something I had recently heard at the levaya of Rav Mechel Tropper z"l.  Here I was sifting through the Yeas and Neys of performing a chesed with the default position being not to do it unless I could justify it which, Boruch Hashem, I did.  This is what most of us do on a daily basis but the whole thought process is fundamentally flawed.

Rav Mechel’s attitude toward chesed was just the opposite.  His default position was to always do whatever chesed appeared on his screen with only a serious objection to doing it given any weight, because when an opportunity to do a chesed came his way he would ask himself:

Why should I not do the chesed? 

It’s Lowly

  GuardYourSpeak

(In June 2012 we launched GuardYourSpeak which, as its name implies, was dedicated to focusing on all aspects of Shmiras HaLoshon.  In short order it became burdensome to maintain both sites, so in recognition of the fact that the material posted on GuardYourSpeak was a natural fit for EmunahSpeak, it was decided to discontinue GuardYourSpeak and repost all of those pieces on EmunahSpeak over the course of the next few months.)



Much of the loshon hora that is spoken, be it born of ignorance or willful blindness is fueled by a number of misconceptions as to what is fair game for one’s barbed tongue.  And those misconceptions are themselves rooted in a serious lack of understanding as to what the laws of loshon hora are all about.

Rabbi Yitzchak Berkovits tells us that the prohibition of speaking loshon hora is the Torah’s way of letting us know that, in addition to not being allowed to damage a fellow Jew, we are supposed to be a higher people.  We are aristocratic, and it is therefore beneath our dignity to focus on the negative.  Yidden are supposed to exclusively dwell on the positive.

Our attitude as to what our true focus should be is best illustrated by a vignette from the Chovos Halevovos in which a rabbi was walking through the street with several of his students. They came upon the carcass of a dead dog. "What a vile sight," they remarked. "Look how white its teeth are," responded the rabbi.

But Rabbi Berkovits goes on to punctuate his thought with a qualifier that goes beyond negativity to touch the very essence of what loshon hora is all about.

“Looking for the negative,” he says, “is something lowly even when it causes no harm.  The prohibition is not to do something negative but rather not to do something lowly.”  If there is a constructive purpose in drawing attention to the negative at any given time then by definition it’s not lowly, and it may well be permitted.

So with the bottom line feel for the what of loshon hora firmly in hand, what about the who, as in who does the what apply to?

Everybody.

You can forget about all of the popular misconceptions that hold that the laws of loshon hora don’t apply to certain classes of people because the reality is that there are no free passes and no stealth rides under the radar.  The laws of loshon hora represent a thoroughly egalitarian framework which allows for no exceptions whatsoever in which a Yid would be allowed to freely speak loshon hora without having a positive purpose that would qualify as a proper toellis, irrespective of who was the object of one’s loshon hora.

And no exceptions mean that one can’t freely denigrate non-religious Jews for the same reason that you can’t talk on religious Jews.  It’s lowly.  And it’s no less lowly to speak loshon hora on goyim for no good reason.

One of the fundamental principles of the laws of loshon hora, as laid out by the Chofetz Chaim in his sefer, is that none of the exceptions that would allow someone to speak loshon hora l’toellis (for a legitimate purpose) apply if the one spoken about would suffer undue harm, as that may be defined relative to time and place.

And Rabbi Berkovits makes it clear that this rule even includes apikorsim.

Moreover, while it is most certainly permissible to contrast the differences between a Torah and an anti-Torah lifestyle for educational purposes, you can’t run down stam apikorsim by speaking loshon hora about them without any shmeck of toellis just to have a good time.

Because it’s still lowly.