We have to be
careful of what we say to people and, no less important, how we say it. And people also includes one’s wife (okay,
okay, husbands also).
The aveira of
Onas Devarim (hurtful words) is big stuff, which is bad news for most of
us. On Hashem’s scales of justice, which
are so finely calibrated that the measurements are beyond human comprehension,
Onas Devarim exceeds the recommended weight thereby setting off a cacophony of
Heavenly bells and whistles that are immediately responded to by Hashem Himself
because matters of Onas Devarim are not given over to a shaliach. That one Jew should be suffering emotional
distress from the verbal sting of another Jew is enough for Hashem to clear His
desk, so to speak, and get Personally involved.
Moreover, as we
know, the Gate of Tears is never closed.
At the very
least, Onas Devarim brings on tears of the heart, and those tears are given the
red carpet treatment as they pass through the Gate of Tears. In fact, some say that there may even be a
special Gate for Onas Devarim that keeps the same hours as the Gate of Tears,
but in either case the result is the same in that all of those tears are
Personally massaged by Hashem Himself.
In the normal
course of things, when someone who has suffered from Onas Devarim cries out in
pain to Hashem, the story’s not going to have a good ending for the Mouth that
Roared. But that’s in the normal course
of things.
But it doesn’t
have to be this way.
As Rabbi Yisroel
Brog tells us, there’s a tremendous opportunity here for anyone with eyes to
see and ears to hear. After all, who
says that the Gate of Tears only deals in kind?
Tears open them for sure, but once opened, anything can march through.
Even Brochos.
He says in the
name of HaRav HaGaon Chaim Kanievsky Shilta that if someone blitzes you with Onas Devarim (speaks
to you harshly) you shouldn’t answer back. It’s not easy to stand there and take one for
the team, with the team being Hashem’s desire, but all in all it’s a concept
that most of us are familiar with. Reb
Chaim then takes it a step further and says that you shouldn’t even complain to
Hashem. Instead, you should take
advantage of your direct access to Hashem by way of the Gate of the Tears that
was opened by your pain and ask for anything you need because vis á vis you at
this moment in your life Hashem is all ears.
This is not just
a nice vort that Reb Chaim once said at a seudah shlishis once upon a
time. This is what he tells people who
come for a brocha.
And he tells
them even more. He says that if you see
someone getting verbally ripped and he doesn’t answer back you should ask that person
for a brocha for whatever you need because the Gate of Tears is open for him
and Hashem is listening.
This is not a
segula. We’re talking about a direct
line here.
For my part, I
can’t think of anyone who’s going to punch my ticket for a deal like this. But my wife’s going to make out like a
bandit.
