In the same way
a person needs Nikias (cleanliness) in his actions he also requires Nikias in his
middos. And to reach this state one has
to go into middos de-tox per the Mesillas Yesharim as was described in EmunahSpeak: A
Gut Rehab, where we said that: Simply
put, in paralleling what we are doing to our houses (because of Sandy) we have
to rip out our gaiva, taiva, kas, and kina and toss it into the dumpster with
the sheet rock.
Anyone familiar
with the sayings of Chazal vis á vis any of the bad middos knows how difficult
it is to successfully smooth out even one of these speed bumps. And that’s with score card in hand to let you
know that screaming at your wife won’t put you on the express track to Gan Eden
and all the other manifestations of rotten middos that we are all too familiar
with.
And that’s the
good news.
At least the
players (gaiva, taiva, kas, and kina) are easily identifiable. But a top to bottom middos de-tox reaches
into realms where it is difficult to tell who the players are without a score
card, and there often isn’t one.
You’re looking
at a person and your assessment of him is terminally negative. It is quite possible that, strictly speaking,
you haven’t run afoul of either gaiva, taiva, kas, or kina. Maybe you don’t approve of how he is dressed
or groomed. And it could also be that
he’s wedded to a hacking cough that’s proceeding not so slowly up your spine or
a myriad of other defects (real, not imagined) that would stoke the flames of
your negative assessment. And yet, as
Rabbi Yisroel Brog tells us, you have to know that this is a defect in middos.
A person not
prone to negative assessment looks at that very same person positively as he
tries to determine what is needed. Maybe
he is in need of something proper to wear, a hot shower, some cough suppressant
or just a glass of water.
When a person comes
upon a place looking to make things better he’s proactively controlling his middos
as opposed to reactively trying to hold the line against the Yetzer Hora’s
provocations.
One should enter
a room and look to see what’s needed here.
If there’s a tissue on the floor then pick it up.
And if you think
it’s not your job, rather than you controlling your middos, those subtly
defective middos that sailed under the radar of your Tikkun HaMiddos are now
controlling you.
